2011年9月22日星期四

食品行業最使人驚駭的六個大話正在餵養你

食品行業最使人驚駭的六個大話正在餵養你
The 6 Most Horrifying Lies The Food Industry is Feeding You
By: Pauli Poisuo
September 21, 2011
Translation by Autumnson Blog
If there's one thing in the world the food industry is dead set against, it's allowing you to actually maintain some level of control over what you eat. See, they have this whole warehouse full of whatever they bought last week when they were drunk that they need to get rid of -- and they will do so by feeding it all to you. And it doesn't matter how many pesky "lists of ingredients" and consumer protections stand between you and them.
如果世界上有一件東西食品行業誓死反對,它讓你在吃什麼上實際保持某一程度的控制。看,他們有這整個倉庫裝滿他們買上週在喝醉時購買而他們想掉去的東西 - 但他們會做這以餵它全部給你。而且不當一回事有多少討厭的“配料”和站在你和他們之間的消費者保護。

#6. 秘密成份:木
#6.The Secret Ingredient: Wood
You know what's awesome? Newspaper. Or, to be precise, the lack thereof. The Internet and other electric media have all but eaten up classic print media, with the circulations of almost all papers on the wane. Say, do you ever wonder what they do with all that surplus wood pulp?
你知道什麼是真棒?報紙。或者,準確地說,其缺乏的。互聯網及其它電子媒體都已吃掉經典的印刷媒體,幾乎所有在退潮上的流通報紙。舉例,你曾否懷疑他們用所有剩餘的木漿做什麼呢?
"But Cracked," you inquire, "what does this have to do with food ingredients?"
“但瘋的,”你調查,“這與食品配料有什麼關係?”
For the purposes of this article, you're kind of an idiot.
為了本文的目的,你是某種白痴。

And we look at you squarely in the eye, then slowly bring our gaze upon the half-eaten bagel in your hand.
我們看著你眼神堅定地,然後慢慢地帶引我們的凝祇目光放在你手中吃了一半的的麵包圈。
Oh, shit ...
噢,屎...

恐怖:
The Horror:

What do they do with all the cellulose wood pulp? They hide it behind a bullshit name and make you eat it, that's what.
他們以纖維素木漿做了什麼?他們將它隱藏在一個牛屎名稱的背後及使你吃下它,那就是了。
The best part of waking up, is wood pulp in your face!
了解真相的最好部分,是你臉上的木漿!

And everybody's doing it. Aunt Jemima's pancake syrup? Cellulose. Pillsbury Pastry Puffs? Cellulose. Kraft Bagel-Fuls? Fast-food cheese? Sara Lee's breakfast bowls? Cellulose, cellulose, goddamn cellulose.
和每個人都做,米瑪姨媽的煎餅糖漿?纖維素;皮爾斯伯里糕點泡芙?纖維素;卡夫百吉餅 Fuls?快餐的奶酪?莎莉的早餐碗?纖維素,纖維素,該死的纖維素!
Et tu, Hot Pockets?
咳吐,熱袋?

It turns out that cellulose can provide texture to processed foods, so food companies have taken to happily using it as a replacement for such unnecessary and inconveniently expensive ingredients as flour and oil. As the 30 percent cheaper cellulose is edible and non-poisonous, the FDA has no interest for restricting its use -- or, for that matter, the maximum amount of it that food companies can use in a product. It is pretty much everywhere, and even organic foods are no salvation -- after all, cellulose used to be wood and can therefore be called organic, at least to an extent.
原來纖維素可提供質地給加工食品,所以食品公司已愉快地取用它來取代這等不必要和不​​便利地昂貴的成分麵粉和油,因為便宜30%的纖維素是可食及無毒,FDA沒興趣限制它使用 - 或者,為那件事,食品企業在產品中可以使用的最高限額。它幾乎是無處不在,及甚至有機食品也沒有救贖 - 畢竟,纖維素一直是木材及因此可以被稱為有機,至少在一定程度上。
But the worst thing about cellulose is not that it's everywhere. The worst thing is that it is not food at all. Cellulose is, unlike the actual, normal food items you think you're paying for, completely indigestible by human beings, and it has no nutritional value to speak of. If a product contains enough of it, you can literally get more nutrients from licking the sweet, sweet fingerprints off its wrapper.
但纖維素最糟糕的地方不是在於它無處不在,最糟糕的是,它完全不是食物。纖維素是,不像實際、正常的食物你以為你付了款的,完全不能由人類消化,而它有沒有營養價值可言。如果一件產品包含足夠的它,你可實際上得到更多的營養物質,從舔那包裝紙上甜,甜的指紋。
That loaf and the chopping block have an equal wood content.
那舊麵包和砧板有同等份量的木。

#5. 喪屍橙汁
#5. Zombie Orange Juice
Quick, name the most healthy drink your nearest store has to offer. You said orange juice, didn't you? It's what everybody makes you drink when you get sick. Hell, that shit must be like medicine or something. And the labels are always about health benefits -- the cartons scream "100 percent natural!", "Not from concentrate!" and "No added sugar!"
快,提名最健康的飲料你最近的商店有提供的,你說的是橙汁,不是嗎?當你生病時它是每個人讓你喝的。地獄的,那狗屎一定像藥物或什麼的,而標籤總是有關健康的益處 - 紙盒吶喊“100%天然的!”,“不來自濃縮!” 及“不添加糖!”
"Less than four thumbs per gallon!"
“每加侖少於四隻大拇指!”

And why not believe them? When it comes to making the stuff, orange juice isn't sausage. You take oranges, you squeeze oranges, you put the result in a carton, with or without pulp. End of story, beginning of deliciousness.

But what if we told you that "freshly squeezed" juice of yours can very well be a year old, and has been subjected to stuff that would make the Re-Animator puke?
但如果我們告訴你你的“鮮榨”果汁非常好可能是一年之久又如何,及已受到再賦予生氣的因素嘔吐的東西?
Tropicana's bottling room. Not pictured: Anything orange.
康納的裝瓶室,沒有改圖:有橙色的東西嗎。

恐怖:
The Horror:

Ever wonder why every carton of natural, healthy, 100 percent, not-from-concentrate orange juice manages to taste exactly the same, yet ever so slightly different depending on the brand, despite containing no additives or preservatives whatsoever?
有否懷疑過為什麼每一盒自然、健康、100%的紙箱、不來自濃縮的橙汁設法味道完全相同,然而取決於品牌永遠是略有點不同,儘管不含有任何添加劑或防腐劑?
The process indeed starts with the oranges being squeezed, but that's the first and last normal step in the process. The juice is then immediately sealed in giant holding tanks and all the oxygen is removed. That allows the liquid to keep without spoiling for up to a year. That's why they can distribute it year-round, even when oranges aren't in season.
事實上過程開始於橙被擠壓,但那是過程中最先和最後的一個正常步驟,果汁然後立即密封在一巨大的暫養池,並所有氧氣被移除,那使液​​體保持不壞長達一年。那就是為什麼他們可全年分發,即使不是橙的季節。
Thanks to science, we can enjoy screwdrivers from Christmas to the 4th of July.
多謝科學我們可以享有Screwdriver飲品,從聖誕到7月4日國慶。

(以下有關橙汁的論述,請看下面連結,已作差不多的翻譯。)
There is just one downside to the process (from the manufacturers' point of view, that is) -- it removes all the taste from the liquid. So, now they're stuck with vats of extremely vintage watery fruit muck that tastes of paper and little else. What's a poor giant beverage company to do? Why, they re-flavor that shit with a carefully constructed mix of chemicals called a flavor pack, which are manufactured by the same fragrance companies that formulate CK One and other perfumes. Then they bottle the orange scented paper water and sell it to you.

And, thanks to a loophole in regulations, they often don't even bother mentioning the flavor pack chemicals in the list of ingredients. Hear that low moan from the kitchen? That's the Minute Maid you bought yesterday. It knows you know.

"Braaaaaaaains!"

#4. 注入阿摩尼亞的漢堡
#4. Ammonia-Infused Hamburger
Any restaurant that serves hamburger goes out of its way to reassure you how pure and natural it is. Restaurant chains like McDonald's ("All our burgers are made from 100 percent beef, supplied by farms accredited by nationally recognized farm assurance schemes") and Taco Bell ("Like all U.S. beef, our 100 percent premium beef is USDA inspected, then passes our 20 quality checkpoints") happily vouch for the authenticity of their animal bits. Their testaments to the healthiness and fullness of their meat read out like they were talking about freaking filet mignon.
任何提供漢堡飽的食店都不務正業地向你保證它的漢堡有多純正和天然,連鎖店像麥當勞(“所有我們的漢堡都來自百分百牛肉,來自國家認證所認許的農場保證計劃的農場”)及Taco Bell(“像所有美國牛肉,我們百分百頂級的牛肉會由美國農業部檢查,然後經過我們的20個質量檢測站)愉快地承諾其肉質的真實性,他們對其肉類在健康和完滿的保證,聽來像在說某種稀有的嬌小的裡脊。
Above: Gourmet as balls.
上圖:呈球狀的美食。

And aside from the rare E.coli outbreak, the meat is clean. It's how they get it clean that's unsettling.
及放開罕見的大腸桿菌爆發不說,肉是乾淨的。這就是他們如何令它乾淨才令人不安。

恐怖
The Horror:
Ammonia. You know, the harsh chemical they use in fertilizers and oven cleaners? It kills E.coli really well. So, they invented a process where they pass the hamburger through a pipe where it is doused in ammonia gas. And you probably never heard about it, other than those times that batches of meat stink of ammonia so bad that the buyer returns it.
氨/阿摩尼亞,你知道,是那刺鼻的化學物他們用在化肥和烤爐清潔使用的?它殺死大腸桿菌真的有效。因此,他們發明一種過程,以這他們將漢堡通過一條管道並澆上氨氣,而你可能從沒有聽過,除了有些時侯,肉類的批次因氨臭過重所以買家退貨。
If your Big Mac ever tastes like pee, this is why.
如果你曾經吃巨無霸而聞得尿味,這就是原因了。

The ammonia process is an invention of a single company called Beef Products Inc., which originally developed it as a way to use the absolute cheapest parts of the animal, instead of that silly "prime cuts" stuff the competitors were offering (and the restaurant chains swear we're still getting). Consequently, Beef Products Inc. has pretty much cornered the burger patty market in the U.S. to the point that 70 percent of all burger patties out there are made by them. Thanks, ammonia!

#3. 假漿果
#3. Fake Berries
Imagine a blueberry muffin.
幻想一件藍莓鬆餅。
One muffin, you greedy bastards.
一件鬆餅,你這貪心的混蛋。

Even with your freshly gained knowledge that there may or may not be some cellulose in the cake mix, it's pretty impossible not to start salivating at the thought. This is largely because of the berries themselves. What's better -- they're so very, very healthy that it's almost wrong for them to taste so good.

We could taste delicious if we wanted to. Stupid show-off berries.

Everything is better with blueberries -- that's why they put them in so many foods. Now that we think of it, there sure seems to be a lot of blueberries in a lot of products. You'd think we'd see more blueberry fields around ...
每樣東西加藍莓都更好吃 - 那就是為什麼他們放它們在這麼多的食物中。現在我們想下,看來肯定有很多產品有很多藍莓,你可能會想想我們會看到四處有更多的藍莓田...

恐怖:
The Horror:
... not that it would do any good, as the number of blueberries you've eaten within the last year that have actually come from such a field is likely pretty close to zero.
...不是呢,正如你在去年內吃掉的藍莓數目,實際上是來自這樣一塊田的可能是近乎零。
We can almost hear the muffins mocking us.

Studies of products that supposedly contain blueberries indicate that many of them didn't originate in nature. All those dangly and chewy and juicy bits of berry are completely artificial, made with different combinations of corn syrup and a little chemist's set worth of food colorings and other chemicals with a whole bunch of numbers and letters in their names.

They do a damn good job of faking it, too -- you need a chemist's set of your own to be able to call bullshit. You can sort of tell them from the ingredient lists, too, if you know what to look for, although the manufacturers tend to camouflage them under bullshit terms like "blueberry flakes" or "blueberry crunchlets."

Nothing says "nature" like petrochemical-derived food coloring.

There are a number of major differences between the real thing and the Abomination Blueberry: The fake blueberries have the advantages of a longer shelf life and, of course, being cheaper to produce. But they have absolutely none of the health benefits and nutrients of the real thing. This, of course, doesn't stop the manufacturers from riding the Blueberry Health Train all the way to the bank, sticking pictures of fresh berries and other bullshit cues all over the product packaging.

Now, here's some good news: The law does require the manufacturers to put the whole artificial thing out there for the customers. The bad news, however, is that they have gotten around this, too. First up, the Kellogg's Mini-Wheats way:

Kelloggs

This is somewhat recognizable. They just stick a picture of the berries there, while not actually bothering to conceal the fact that the actual cereal looks like it's made of cardboard and Smurf paste.

A bunch of Betty Crocker products and Target muffins use the second route, which brings the cheat level even further by actually containing an unspecified amount of real berries. This way they can legally advertise natural flavors while substituting the vast majority of berries with the artificial ones.

All but three of these are made of plastic.
這些中的三顆全是由塑料製成。

Or, you can just take the "we don't give a fuck anymore" route, as evidenced by General Mills' Total Blueberry Pomegranate cereal. The whole selling point of the product is that it contains a bucketload of blueberries and pomegranates, and the package boasts all the buzzwords the marketing department has been able to dream up:

Dick.
偵探。

In reality, not only are the blueberries fake, but also they've forged the freaking pomegranates as well.


#2. “走地”雞被塞入一個巨大的室中
#2. "Free Range" Chickens That Are Crammed Into a Giant Room
Buying "free range" eggs is one of the easiest ways to feel good as a consumer -- they are at least as readily available as "normal," mass produced eggs from those horrible giant chicken prisons Big Egg maintains. Hell, they even cost pretty much the same. There's literally no reason not to buy free range even though, now that we think about it, we're not actually sure what that means. But the animals must live in pretty good conditions. In fact, let's buy our meat and poultry free range, too!

Fresh air, green grass, plenty of cocks ... free range chickens have it good.

Well, according to law, the definition of "free range" is that chickens raised for their meat "have access to the outside." OK ... so that's not quite as free as we assumed, and it appears to only apply to chickens raised for their meat. But at least they still have some freedom, what with the outside and all that.


恐怖:
The Horror:
Words have power, and "free range" in its original sense means unfenced and unrestrained. That makes it a powerful phrase that, no matter how smart we are, conjures subconscious images of freedom hens, riding tiny little freedom horses out on the plains, wearing hen-sized cowboy hats and leaving a happy little trail of delicious freedom eggs in their wake. There may be mandolin music.

Although we have it on good authority that chickens prefer Jay-Z.

But the reality is there are absolutely no regulations whatsoever for the use of the term "free range" on anything other than chickens raised for their meat. Your Snickers bar could be free range for all the government cares.

The industry knows this full well and happily makes us lap up the free range myth, even though in reality a free range hen lives in pretty much the same prison as a battery cage hen -- except its whole life takes place in the prison shower, rather than a cell.

Look, they're free!
看,牠們是自由的!

Awareness of the free range myth is slowly increasing, but although a manufacturer that has been pushing his luck a bit too much does get jailed every once in a while, that doesn't do much to the overall phenomenon. In fact, Europe is set to ban egg production in cage systems come 2012. Guess what the replacement is going to be?

#1. 狗屎垃圾的健康聲稱
#1. Bullshit Health Claims

Nuts that reduce risk of heart disease. Yogurts that improve digestion and keep you from getting sick. Baby food that saves your kid from atopic dermatitis, whatever the hell that may be. Products like that are everywhere these days, and we do have to admit it's hard to see any drawbacks to them. We eat yogurt anyway, so why not make it good for our tummy while we're at it?

"This brand treats syphilis and diabetes."

It's just that we can't keep wondering where all these magic groceries suddenly appeared from. One day your peanuts were peanuts, and then, all of a sudden, it was all coronary disease this and reduce heart attack risks that. Maybe Food Science just had a really, really productive field day a while back?

Or, of course, it could be that we're being fooled yet again.

We don't know if we could handle Mr. Peanut lying to us.
我們不知道我們能否處理向我們撒謊的花生先生。

恐怖:
The Horror:
The vast majority of product health claims use somewhat older technology than most of us realize: the ancient art of bullshitting. The "health effects" of wonder yogurts and most other products with supposed medical-level health benefits can be debunked completely, thoroughly and easily. So why are they able to keep marketing this stuff?

It all started in 2002, when many ordinary foods found themselves suddenly gaining surprising, hitherto unseen superpowers. This is when the FDA introduced us to a new category of pre-approved product claims. It was called "qualified health claims," and it was basically just another list of marketing bullshit the company can use if their product meets certain qualifications. This was nothing new. What was new, however, was that the list said no consensus for the scientific evidence for the product's health claims was needed.

"That pepper will keep you hard for hours, and eggplant works in lieu of chemotherapy."
“那辣椒將保持你硬小時,而茄子代替化療。”

Since "no consensus needed" is law-talk for "pay a dude in a lab coat enough to say your product is magic and we'll take his word for it no matter what everyone else says," companies immediately went apeshit. Suddenly, everyone had a respected scientist or six in their corner, and the papers they published enabled basically whatever they wanted to use in their marketing and packaging.

We're not saying that none of the products boasting health properties work. There are plenty out there, but they're kind of difficult to find under the constant stream of bullshit supplementary claims. Come on, food industry -- just tell us the truth. Don't you realize that we'll just eat it anyway? Shit, people still buy cigarettes, don't they?

"There's a doctor who says these can cure my gout."
“有一個醫生對我說這些都能治好我的痛風。”

http://www.cracked.com/article_19433_the-6-most-horrifying-lies-food-industry-feeding-you.html

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